*WHACK* *WHACK* *CLOBBER* *WHACK*
It's something of a miracle that I haven't been laid low with some sort of acquired brain injury, given the number of times that I've been beaten across the back of the head after having The Lemming run away with my mouth. It's not like I actually set out to offend people or to upset them in any way, I just have this problem with poor impulse control. You would think that some people (Jennie for example) would be more understanding of this affliction of mine and not use my occasional verbal eruption as an excuse for a little percussive adjustment of my hairline. You would think wrong on that score. Earlier this month Jennie decided that she needed some help, and brought her mother out for a visit...
Things got off to a frisky start with Carol's first day here. It's the first afternoon that she's here and, proud house-owner in training that I am, I'm showing her the front garden. Carol, pointing at some of the various plants, asked what they were. Without thinking I answer with "Dead and dying", and bring Carol's attention to the hole in the side garden, telling her that we've had just the one successful escape. Carol was most amused, Jennie was not. I went to bed that night with this ringing sensation in the back of my head - It must have been the sun or something...
Things went on as normal for most of the month, the only break from the monotony of Jennie trying to break the back of my skull open was when Carol joined in the cranial pummelling festival. Right up until last night that is, when Jennie was offended into a particularly savage assault upon my person by a particularly witty observation from The Lemming. The latest and most severe of the unwarranted assaults in my person was caused by Jennie's complaints about the ineffectiveness of the fly-swatter she was wielding in the job of fly slaughter. I merely observed that if Jennie were truly serious about killing flies then she should water them.
*POW* And that is how my latest headache occurred. *WHAM* *BONK* *WHACK* And it also brought some friends. My unfeeling brute of a mother-in-law was most amused, both by the comment at her daughter's expense and by the immediate physical response it prompted.
Painkillers, I need painkillers.
It's something of a miracle that I haven't been laid low with some sort of acquired brain injury, given the number of times that I've been beaten across the back of the head after having The Lemming run away with my mouth. It's not like I actually set out to offend people or to upset them in any way, I just have this problem with poor impulse control. You would think that some people (Jennie for example) would be more understanding of this affliction of mine and not use my occasional verbal eruption as an excuse for a little percussive adjustment of my hairline. You would think wrong on that score. Earlier this month Jennie decided that she needed some help, and brought her mother out for a visit...
Things got off to a frisky start with Carol's first day here. It's the first afternoon that she's here and, proud house-owner in training that I am, I'm showing her the front garden. Carol, pointing at some of the various plants, asked what they were. Without thinking I answer with "Dead and dying", and bring Carol's attention to the hole in the side garden, telling her that we've had just the one successful escape. Carol was most amused, Jennie was not. I went to bed that night with this ringing sensation in the back of my head - It must have been the sun or something...
Things went on as normal for most of the month, the only break from the monotony of Jennie trying to break the back of my skull open was when Carol joined in the cranial pummelling festival. Right up until last night that is, when Jennie was offended into a particularly savage assault upon my person by a particularly witty observation from The Lemming. The latest and most severe of the unwarranted assaults in my person was caused by Jennie's complaints about the ineffectiveness of the fly-swatter she was wielding in the job of fly slaughter. I merely observed that if Jennie were truly serious about killing flies then she should water them.
*POW* And that is how my latest headache occurred. *WHAM* *BONK* *WHACK* And it also brought some friends. My unfeeling brute of a mother-in-law was most amused, both by the comment at her daughter's expense and by the immediate physical response it prompted.
Painkillers, I need painkillers.
The author would like to reassure readers that no animals were harmed in the writing of this blog entry. It must be stated however that The Lemming was solely responsible for any number of smack-downs and beat-downs upon my person. All complaints about the mistreatment of this particular animal should be referred to management, who will in most likelihood use it as ammunition for further abuse.
