LAST NIGHT'S CATASTROPHE
It happened last night, and I'm still giggling over it this afternoon. It was painful for Jennie, but it was also self-inflicted so I believe my mirth is warranted. We'd finished putting the kids to bed and Jennie was quite the centre of telephonic attention as friends engaged in protracted discussions about whatever it is that gets discussed when I'm not in the room. In any case I was out of room when Jennie was on the phone and Koda noticed that Jennie was tragically cat-less, and decided to rectify that sad lack.
This needs an explanation. The first "up" was the moment when Koda leapt onto Jennie's chest, while she was walking through the kitchen and chatting furiously to Megan. The second "up" was the moment when Jennie's voice hit the level of pain (120dB and climbing!), although a more accurate term would be "Ow! Ow! Ow! AAARrrrrrgh! AAAHhhhhhhhhhhaaaahhhh!!!!". This longer passage was the natural result of Koda, slave to the spirit of self-preservation, digging a paw full of claws into Jennie's chest as she tried frantically to swat The Chocolate Assassin away from her. I can only assume that somewhere in the middle of all the screaming Jennie was able to say "Shoo", to which Koda vigorously denied the invitation to relocate from Jennie's immediate environment. Finally, "awaaayyyy!" is an accurate portrayal of Koda's departure from the scene. Whether or not he left under his own power or was subject to an improvised catapult, I'll never know. What I do know is that Jennie was hurriedly hanging up the phone in tears of pain as I entered the living room, and Koda was nowhere to be seen.
All things considered I'm rather proud of the fact that I didn't laugh in her face (immediately) upon hearing this sad and sorry tale, even after hearing Jennie's reaction of "Oh shit! Now you're going to blog this, aren't you?". It was only after I'd been (most unjustly) pummelled for pointing out that Koda's adoption into the house was the result of Jennie's decision and that therefore this incident was self-inflicted that The Lemming decided to stick his own oar in. I knew that any sort of pun, joke or humorous observation would be (swiftly and unreasonably) punished by an enraged and injured Canadian, and tried desperately to shut the fuck up.
Fail. Epic fail in fact. In spite of the fact that I was actively biting my tongue The Lemming, responsible for so much of the pain I suffer in life, took control of my mouth and let fly. I only wish that what was said wasn't lost behind a veil of pain and blunt force trauma, I remember being quite amused by my comments even if Jennie was not, who expressed his displeasure with many kicks to my right thigh.
It happened last night, and I'm still giggling over it this afternoon. It was painful for Jennie, but it was also self-inflicted so I believe my mirth is warranted. We'd finished putting the kids to bed and Jennie was quite the centre of telephonic attention as friends engaged in protracted discussions about whatever it is that gets discussed when I'm not in the room. In any case I was out of room when Jennie was on the phone and Koda noticed that Jennie was tragically cat-less, and decided to rectify that sad lack.
Up, up and awaaayyyyy!
This needs an explanation. The first "up" was the moment when Koda leapt onto Jennie's chest, while she was walking through the kitchen and chatting furiously to Megan. The second "up" was the moment when Jennie's voice hit the level of pain (120dB and climbing!), although a more accurate term would be "Ow! Ow! Ow! AAARrrrrrgh! AAAHhhhhhhhhhhaaaahhhh!!!!". This longer passage was the natural result of Koda, slave to the spirit of self-preservation, digging a paw full of claws into Jennie's chest as she tried frantically to swat The Chocolate Assassin away from her. I can only assume that somewhere in the middle of all the screaming Jennie was able to say "Shoo", to which Koda vigorously denied the invitation to relocate from Jennie's immediate environment. Finally, "awaaayyyy!" is an accurate portrayal of Koda's departure from the scene. Whether or not he left under his own power or was subject to an improvised catapult, I'll never know. What I do know is that Jennie was hurriedly hanging up the phone in tears of pain as I entered the living room, and Koda was nowhere to be seen.
All things considered I'm rather proud of the fact that I didn't laugh in her face (immediately) upon hearing this sad and sorry tale, even after hearing Jennie's reaction of "Oh shit! Now you're going to blog this, aren't you?". It was only after I'd been (most unjustly) pummelled for pointing out that Koda's adoption into the house was the result of Jennie's decision and that therefore this incident was self-inflicted that The Lemming decided to stick his own oar in. I knew that any sort of pun, joke or humorous observation would be (swiftly and unreasonably) punished by an enraged and injured Canadian, and tried desperately to shut the fuck up.
Fail. Epic fail in fact. In spite of the fact that I was actively biting my tongue The Lemming, responsible for so much of the pain I suffer in life, took control of my mouth and let fly. I only wish that what was said wasn't lost behind a veil of pain and blunt force trauma, I remember being quite amused by my comments even if Jennie was not, who expressed his displeasure with many kicks to my right thigh.
2 comments:
You can't leave it at that and not tell me what Lemming made you say!!!! You must immortalise those words forever so Jennie never forgets why she hates cats (or why she loves you in spite of your lemming-like tendencies.. . go on.. you can whisper it to me - I won't laugh (too) loudly ;)
p.s. have you ever tried topronounce the word verification - right now, mine says njwwo which I reckon is pretty close to the sound you make when Jennie wacks you in the nuts after the lemming has spoken.
I honestly wish that I could remember what was said by The Lemming that fateful Monday night. In fact after the pummelling that was delivered I wish I could remember much of anything at all that happened on ... What was I just talking about?
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